You’ve discussed pegging with your partner and you’re all on board. You’ve assembled your pegging kit with a great harness, plenty of lube, a flared base dildo, (and perhaps a perfectly fitted chastity cage). You’re ready to do the deed, so let’s get prepared for the marvellous act.
Preparation for Peggee
As you might imagine, there’s a bit more work for the peggee to do. Alas!! Life gives its biggest trials to its strongest warriors.
Cleanliness procedures
We mentioned earlier: something is going in your butt. Poop comes from there - and so it’s worth learning how to clean yourself beforehand. You can achieve this by adjusting your diet a few days before the event, showering and douching. In terms of diet, think about all the things that might give you Bad Guts and…avoid them. So spicy and fatty foods are the key ones here.
Think about foods with lots of fiber for a day or two beforehand (depending on how good your bowel movements normally are) and up your intake of nuts, beans, lentils, carrots, bananas, apples and rice. The ‘better’ and easier bowel movements you have, the cleaner your colon will be which means less risk of poop on the dildo/condom.
Also when it comes to the act itself, speak to your partner about your bowel movements. For example, if you know that you’re blessedly regular, and always go at about 7pm every night, don’t get caught out by 6:57pm by the stirrings of your gut just as your partner has strapped up and is about to enter you.
Then, about an hour before pegging, use an enema bulb or an enema bag kit to douche. Doing this some time in advance will give you some time to recover from potential irritation and to let your body settle down/purge the water. I recommend that you boil the water to sterilize it, then let it cool to room temperature in a covered container, before you douche.
If you’re still new to anal contact, douching may feel a bit intimidating. If this is the case, asking your partner to help you can be a great help. You might not want them around for the motions of the enema, but it can be that first intimate moment of connection before the pegging to come.
The use of barriers
Safe sex is sexy. I refuse to hear otherwise. Consider using barriers such as condoms when engaging in anal play. These will not only protect you from STIs, but also make anal play a cleaner process (remember, there may be poop.) Absolutely replace your condoms if you’re switching roles, changing toys or moving from anal to vaginal or oral penetration.
Another barrier that you should consider are gloves! As someone who loves being as Femme as possible, I love long fingernails. So elegant, so luscious. But Slave D and I have definitely misstepped (or mis-poked) during frantic pegging sessions and there is nothing that kills the mood faster than your partner freezing up, going “Nails nails nails!!”
So! Wear some gloves - for their comfort but also to reduce any risks of internal cuts during fingering. Some dominants that I know cover their nails with cotton wool before putting gloves on to pad their nails even more. I personally swear by thicker latex gloves but your mileage may vary.
Condoms
Whilst one of the delights of using dildos can mean you can use them ‘as is’, we’d personally recommend that you use a condom on your toys. We’re in the UK so Durex is one of the most common brands here with a lot of options- but you can look into other brands like Skyn, Magnum or Hanx.
It makes cleaning up after play a little easier. One of the great benefits of using a condom is they are normally lubricated as well and can help reduce friction when you’re thrusting (try saying that 3 times quickly).
Plus once you’re all sweaty and sated, you can just whip the condom off, throw it in the bin, then clean your dildo in the appropriate manner. Even if your first desire is just to unstrap and let it fall to the floor. (Sorry slave D who normally gets the joys of washing off the considerable carpet of cat fur.)
Why do you still need to clean your dildo if you’ve used a condom? Almost all condoms are internally lubricated so the dildo will be coated in that lubricant and in the interests of good hygiene, it might be covered in other bodily fluids like sweat or semen in spite of the condom so it’s good practice and will help the longevity of your dildos.
Proper lubrication
You know all that chatting we did about the right kind of lube? Here’s where it comes into play. When it comes to pegging, you can never use enough lube. OK, a swimming pool’s worth might make it a little challenging, but you get my point.
Also thanks to Ruby Rare for the truly hilarious quote of “sometimes when you use a lot of lube, some might say a little bit too much lube, you can accidentally end up…fisting yourself.” That is probably too much lube for all parties involved. But probably not too far off what you should be using!
So what is the “right amount of lube?” You want to ensure that whatever is entering your partner (for example, your gloved fingers, a buttplug, a dildo) is fully covered in a thick-ish layer (which might vary depending on the type of lube you use).
On top of this, their butthole and the surrounding skin also needs to be coated - you might want to apply the lube further up between the buttchecks and towards their genitals than you might imagine. You are going to be stretching them out with your dildo, so ensuring the thin skin in this area is well-lubricated will help prevent any tearing.
If you are using a water-based lubricant, it also will absorb into the skin so you should always keep it to hand to re-supply when you’re actually pegging. We like a pump action bottle like Liquid Silk so you can pump some extra lube onto the dildo, the buttplug, your gloved fingers or anus as needed.
Now, one of those downsides that I definitely did not see online when we were starting out using butt plugs is that lube makes everything very slippery. Including your well lubed anus. So if you want your peggee to do chores, like hoovering, then the plug could fall out because of gravity, being more relaxed etc. Our House of Denial solution? Wear a thong! The fabric pressed against your asshole means there’s an extra barrier/layer to keep it pressed in.
What about poppers?
For those who don’t know, poppers (amyl nitrate) is a product that people inhale to achieve a high.
One of the effects of poppers is that it relaxes your sphincters which includes your anal sphincter. So it helps those muscles relax - which makes them a common feature for men who have penetrative anal sex. According to those who have used poppers to improve their sexual experiences, the drug makes sex less painful and more pleasurable.
However, it’s important to note that like other altering substances, poppers have a wide array of effects. Poppers can not only impair your judgement, increasing the potential of you engaging in unsafe practices, but can also cause the following:
- Headaches
- Nausea or vomiting
- Restlessness
- Rash, burns or other skin irritation
- Respiratory issues
- Eye problems such as blind spots, sensitivity to light and maculopathy (loss of central vision)
This is by no means an exhaustive list of the issues that poppers can cause. Always remember that your care and safety is your own responsibility. Do your research before experimenting with any drugs.
Anal training and foreplay
Going from nothing in your butt to having a dildo inserted up in there might be quite a jump for many people. This is why anal training is so important.
Anal training is the process of stretching, stimulating, and preparing the anus for penetration. This can be done by way of fingering, other digital stimulation, or the use of toys or other implements. While this may sound like an arduous preparation process, we have found it doesn’t have to be. Incorporating anal training into your foreplay is a great way to integrate it and make the entire process sexy and fun.
Butt plugs for anal training
One of our favourite toys for warm-up is the good old, reliable butt plug. Just remember to use a plug made specifically for anal use – meaning, primarily, that it has a flared base. Butt plugs also tend to have a more tapered tip to make insertion easier. And while many butt plugs have round bases, for comfort, you can also choose a butt plug with an oval shaped base that sits between your butt cheeks comfortably.
Getting bored of using a standard butt plug? Why not look for a butt plug that vibrates. You can even purchase an interactive butt plug that you or your partner can control from an app. Some vibrations might be just on the nice side of surprising and stimulating, which in term might help the peggee relax more during foreplay.
Digital stimulation
Don’t have a butt plug or that’s not your thing? Not to worry - here’s where your digits come into play! Latex gloves (make sure that neither of you have a latex allergy) and a well lubed finger (or four - eventually…please see previous comments about size queens) works pretty well. Coat your fingers liberally in lube, and their anus, and slowly work one finger at a time in.
Start slowly, for example circle the anus with your fingers before you try to push into. If your partner is hesitant or nervous, they’re more likely to be clenched up and the sensation of touch between their buttcheeks can help reassure them and relax them.
Another tip we recommend for the first finger is to get them to breathe out as you insert your first finger - and only insert it up to the first or second knuckle (depending on any resistance you might feel). When you breathe out, your sphincters relax slightly, making it easier to enter your partner. You can and ideally should use the same technique when you go to enter them with the dildo for the first time.
Should I use lube during anal training?
Yes! The asshole isn’t self-lubricating so you have to bring your own lube. This makes any insertions easier because there’s less friction and it reduces any risks of tearing.
When should I train with a butt-plug? How often?
We find that wearing a butt-plug for a period of time before sex can really improve the experience for the receiver. But you can also use a butt-plug at other times for other fun, with the additional bonus of it preparing your butt for regular use.
If you’re interested in more regular anal training, then a peggee could wear the plug a few times a week to adjust to the feeling and also means easier preparation if you both find yourselves spontaneously in the mood. Regular training also allows you to increase the size of the plug over time, which is great if you’re both keen to increase the size of the dildos that you are using. I'm looking at you size queens!
Preparing for pegging: The House of Denial routine
Slave D and I have done science and for us, our prep consists of the following:
We tend to start off by using a small silicone butt plug with a nice wide, flared base. We always use condoms on our toys and coat the plug with plenty of water based lube and also Slave D’s ass. I typically put on a thick latex glove first, lube up my fingers and finger him one finger at a time to start stretching him. It’s no different to exercising - including getting feedback about how comfortable he is. Does that make me a Pegging PT?
I then usually make him wear a plug for 10 to 15 minutes and we turn our attention to other matters whilst he starts adjusting. I like to do some cock-worship (on me) to get us both into the headspace and knowing he’s wearing a plug just reinforces the arousal that builds before we peg.
Other times I’ll put him over the spanking bench (particularly if he’s in heels for stability purposes) to flog or crop him. With him being bent over/having his backside in the air, it also reduces the risk of the plug falling out.
We find the plug helps him to get used to the feeling of having something inside him and also being Busy People, sometimes we go for a while without doing any pegging play so the warm-up is crucial to ensure we both have an enjoyable session.
Something to hold on to
Listen. I am not ashamed to admit that I am not the most stable being on this crazy rock floating through space. It causes Slave D no end of headaches when I can just roll over on my ankle. This means that I can be accident prone!
So, whilst pegging is one of our favourite activities, it’s really important for us (and you too!) to avoid accidents that can happen during the process. This includes slipping or tripping and falling down - this is where the positions that you choose to peg in should be thoughtfully considered.
For the pegger, positions also mean considering what you need to stay stable during the fucking. Are you on a bed with your feet planted so you’ve got quite a solid base that will support you or are you standing at the edge of a bed or chair? In that case, you need to think about having enough space to get close to your partner and also having a good grip on the floor - bare feet might be the best option and we’ve got more on that in our footwear section.
You also might be lucky enough to have mount points in your ceiling or wall and could consider using that for both partners to hold onto.
Another way to minimise any falling over is for the peggee to wear a chest harness or shibari tie. It will give you something to grab on to. This could be to help stabilise your physical position or aid in you getting into a nice fucking rhythm. And in the worst case scenario, you both fall down together. (Sorry Slave D).
We have a leather chest harness that has an o-ring on the front and back from Honour Clothing. Personally, I like to grab it with one or both hands, as it helps me to penetrate Slave D with much more control. To take it a level up, you could also attach a leash to the o-ring (on the harness - please be REALLY CAREFUL if you’re attaching it to the o-ring on a collar) for extra control (and the visual aspect of the leash makes it very hot!)
Preparation for Peggers
Yes, even us peggers need to prepare for the peg! Even if you were born with a penis, your first try with a strap-on, it can feel quite awkward and unnatural. You need to learn how to thrust and how to navigate the toy, and if you’ve decided to use a strapless or double-ended dildo, you also need to get adjusted to the feeling of holding the dildo inside plus thrusting with it.
If you normally work a job that involves a lot of sitting - the first time pegging can make your ass muscles and hip flexors feel like they’re on fire, trust me. So I would wholeheartedly recommend some gentle stretching beforehand to warm you up - some lunges, toe touches and hip circles can be good starts! There is nothing less sexy than the cry of horror “CRAMP CRAMP CRAMP” just when the going is getting good (as Slave D and I can both attest to.)
If you are using a firmer dildo, you might find it a little uncomfortable as it bumps into your pubic mound. However - the wonderful makers of harnesses tend to think of these things and for a lot of harnesses (including our beloved Aslan harness), you can buy a cushioned pad that you can fit behind your dildo at the front of the harness. This can help to make it more comfortable when you thrust forwards as it will minimise friction between the base of your toy, the harness and your crotch.
Footwear and clothing advice
This is definitely a topic that isn’t discussed enough in relation to pegging and I have many feelings about it. (Mostly due to my inherent clumsiness as mentioned in other sections!)
Let’s think about it.
Imagine, if you will, you have your submissive bent over a spanking bench or on all fours on satin or rubber. You’re wearing your kinkiest latex catsuit. You grab their hips, get into position – and immediately slip because there’s no grip between your latex-covered knees and the bedsheet!
It’s funny to think about, but the reality is that textile and other wardrobe malfunctions can lead to injuries on both sides, which we’d really like to avoid. Yes, wearing your tallest Pleaser heels to go with your leather strap-on harness is unquestionably a hot look, but adding an extra 7 or 8 inches to your height will mean that you’ll fall even further if you lose your footing. It’s happened before, we’ve heard the stories.
Broken ankles, bruised hips and sore bottoms can all be avoided if you consider your footwear and environment before pegging. Don’t forget, you’re also going to be using a lot of lube, which will turn wooden or other smooth floors into an ice rink.
If you do plan on wearing high heels, you could put a non-slip matt or rug down. There’s nothing wrong with a pair of trainers (sneakers to our friends across the pond) or barefoot will give you more control, though you’ll still need to watch out for lube making the floor slippery. Slave D won’t appreciate me mentioning this, as he hates them, but crocs are also an option (sorry, not sorry.)
Something to grab onto above your head can also help with stability. Chains hung from the ceiling in a dungeon setting that you can hold onto will work as long as you remove your lube-covered gloves first.
Wearing a pair of silk stockings with your favourite suspender belt is a powerful Domme look, but they’ll eliminate any traction if you’re on a satin bedsheet. If the receiver wears a harness, that can help with this, but having as much control over your movements as possible is essential.
Footwear and clothing considerations don’t just apply to the pegger, either. If you’ve dressed your peggee up in a sexy pair of stockings and high heels, the same considerations will apply!
While having slave D in heels and lingerie is a big turn on for me – with the added bonus that his extra height gives me a better angle to penetrate him from – I don’t want him to slip and fall while I’m railing him. That would just be rude.
No matter what your partner is wearing, make sure they have a stable base to stand on so they don’t rock on their heels and fall over mid-thrust.
Keep reading: Our favorite sex positions for pegging!
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Mistress K
Mistress K (she/her) is a queer kinky woman and in a long-term chastity-led relationship with Slave D, the other half of the dynamic duo who run House of Denial.
Thoughtfully dedicated to consent-led BDSM practices and interactions, Mistress K supports our community via our customer service channels (does that make her a service top domme?) by engaging with anyone interested, enthusiastic or curious about chastity.
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