You’re here! Mommy Domme Mistress K has given you the safety talks (there’ll be more through the guide, that shouldn’t surprise you by now) and now you’re off into the world (virtual or otherwise) to create your perfect pegging kit.
But alas! The options, the variety of shops, the recommendations of a hundred blogs - what do you do? It can all get very overwhelming. After all, there are so many options out there. What do you need to buy? And how do you choose between various dildos, harnesses and lubes? What do you even need to prepare for your first pegging experience?
Never fear, we’ll talk you through it and even give you some recommendations along the way. Let's get into it.
Choosing the right strap-on harness
The foundation of any good strap-on session is your harness. It holds the dildo close to you, allowing you the freedom of movement during your session (and accommodating for any athletic positions you might try!).
If you’re using a double-ended dildo, a harness can also keep the internal dildo anchored inside you. Nothing more frustrating than your dildo slipping out because you’ve gotten caught up in the moment and become a bit more relaxed.
And, of course, the right harness can also add a stunning visual effect to any scene, reminding both you and your partner what’s about to happen.
There’s quite a few different styles to choose from, but the ones you’ll see most commonly are jockstrap, G-string and underwear harnesses.
Underwear harnesses are the easiest to describe as they are underwear (normally in a brief style) that has an opening with an o-ring to insert a dildo.
A G-string harness is designed like a traditional g-string thong, so you’ll have a strap that goes around your waist and back and then a strap of material (normally leather) that goes between your legs and butt cheeks.
Then there are jockstrap harnesses. For those who don’t know what a jockstrap looks like, in the harness style it’s a strap that goes around your waist and back, two straps that go around each leg (normally quite high up, under your butt cheeks) with a panel holding an o-ring on the pubic mound.
As a pegger, you might also find that as your “thrusting style” develops (or what works best for you and your partner), different harness styles might work better for you.
If you thrust straight from the hips more, or prefer shorter thrusts, the G-string styles sit just that little bit closer to your pelvic area which could work better for you. And if you like to circle your hips or positions where you might have your legs open more (like spooning but your peggee has an outward facing leg over your hips), then a jockstrap harness might fare better. It’s all about personal preference!
Our recommendation would be an adjustable harness that you can wear in either a jockstrap or G-string style, and which comes with interchangeable o-rings that can be swapped in and out depending on the size of the dildo you choose to use (note that most underwear-style harnesses have built-in o-rings that can’t be changed out).
Alternatively, there are body harnesses that can be attached to a thigh, chest, hand or other parts of the body. This option can be great for people who suffer from pain in their hips or lower back or who have mobility issues.
Underwear harnesses aren’t as common but can provide a great option if you don’t want to be naked during sex, if you have dexterity issues that mean a harness with buckles might be inaccessible, or gender dysphoria issues that might be heightened by putting on a harness. It’s not worth pretending these issues don’t exist, and it shouldn’t create a barrier to your pegging experiences!
We have a set from the UK based OffTheTongue who create beautiful femme lingerie-esq harnesses that you might want to consider. If you’re looking for some gender-fluid, nonbinary, or masc options, we’ve come across some beautiful unisex harness underwear from RodeoH or for those in the EU, we’ve got our eyes on some of the options from WetForHer.
Sizing
Your key measurement for harnesses tends to be your waist measurement. Depending on the style of harness you’re using, you might find that one size doesn’t fit all, but they can fit a range of sizes using adjustable straps.
Another important size to factor in is the size of the o-ring. The o-ring is a slightly stretchy plastic or rubber ring that holds the dildo against the harness and the wearer’s body. When selecting your o-ring size, you want to select an o-ring that’s smaller in diameter than the flared base of your dildo. This keeps the dildo from slipping out mid-thrust - whilst that can be hilarious, it also is very frustrating to have to reinsert it (for both parties) (sorry Slave D).
If you’re looking for a personal recommendation, my tried-and-true favourite has been the Aslan leather strap-on harness for more than a few years, but I set my heart and my eye on one of the Broken Birds pastel coloured one for the future. Seriously, check out their stuff. All of their designs look bloody brilliant.
Harness Materials
After choosing a style and size, you’ll then want to think about the right material for your harness. As you can imagine, different materials have different benefits, so it’s all about what matters the most to you.
Top of the list for us are leather harnesses. Whilst these tend to cost a bit more money, they are very durable, especially when taken care of properly. Treat them well, and they’ll return the favour!
Also keep in mind that leather harnesses are porous, so they can absorb bodily fluids, which makes it doubly important to follow any cleaning instructions from the maker for many happy years of pegging play. Our Aslan harness is probably close to 10 years old and whilst it is showing some signs of age, the leather is still supple and not cracked. Are my anime-style heart-eyes coming through as I talk about it?
If you love the look of leather but don’t want to use animal products, a good alternative can be vegan leather. However, keep in mind that vegan leather is not breathable like real leather because it’s fundamentally plastic, so it’s also not likely to last as long.
For those of you looking for a waterproof option that’s easy to clean, you might want to consider a nylon or neoprene harness. They are stretchy and very comfortable to wear, and most of the ones that we’ve come across are quite basic in design and colour options. That might be perfect for you!
There you’ve also got polyester/spandex options. Most underwear-type harnesses are made from spandex, which makes them very easy to clean and also if you’ve got any Gender Feelings, sometimes underwear style harnesses can be perfect. Anything that can be thrown in a washing machine can be a blessing!
Choosing the right dildo for the job
The spectrum of dildos from materials to shapes to sizes is unbelievable. Every time I think I’ve seen it all, something new surprises me (like the unicorn strap on pants I found online). But whilst dildos are made for insertable fun times, it doesn’t automatically make them a good option for your pegging piece. Let’s go through some common key features to look for in a dildo specifically for pegging.
Dildo Materials
Dildos come in a huge variety of materials, all which have different options in terms of textures and levels of firmness. We’ve broken the most common options and our thoughts below, specifically as they pertain to pegging.
Silicone
This is the most common material for pegging dildos due to the wide variety of firmness options and the fact that it is easy to clean and sanitise, which is always important but extra important when it comes to anal penetration.
Best of all, silicone toys are heat-resistant, so they can be sanitised using hot water or putting them in a dishwasher. (Just remember to take them out of the dishwasher before your mate pops around for lunch - or don’t! I don’t know what your friendship dynamic is!)
As always, pay attention to the manufacturer’s cleaning instructions for proper cleaning procedures. If the dildo arrives in packaging with the cleaning instructions on it, take a picture of those before you throw it away or recycle it.
One of our House of Denial recommendations for silicone dildos are Godemiche - another small business in the UK who we’ve reviewed in the past. We’ve used the Ambit for pegging but personally have found that we do prefer a softer dildo. Which leads us nicely on to…
Use only platinum-cured silicone. The kind of silicone most dildos should be made of - pretty much like Ronseal, it is exactly as it states, which is that it is cured with platinum. There are multiple kinds of silicone used in production, but the only kind you should be using for sex is platinum-cured. When cured with platinum, this material is also considered to be one of the most body-safe and non-toxic materials used in sex-toys, as it’s plastic-free and BPA-free (bisphenol A). All good retailers should list this information on their product listings.
Picking the right lube for a silicone dildo
We get lots of questions about this, so we actually wrote a whole section on it. Go on, keep reading and you'll find everything you want to know down below.
Choosing a silicone firmness
Another benefit of silicone is that it comes in a range of firmness levels, measured on a shore hardness scale. Many dildo manufacturers list the firmness on their product listings; the higher the number, the firmer the material.
For pegging, we’ve found that there’s a special balance to be struck between length and firmness. For smaller dildos (for example, those made for anal beginners), we’ve found that firmer tends to be better, as it will aid in penetration.
The anus, especially with beginners, can be quite a fickle sphincter, and when you have less length on the shaft of a dildo, you have less room to hold and stabilize it in order to guide the penetration. However, too firm is likely to be uncomfortable once it’s inside, so for this we recommend something around Shore A-10 to A-20.
As you graduated to larger dildos, you may find that a softer material is more pleasurable, and because you have more shaft to work with (and possibly because your receiver is more experienced), penetration can be done more through thrusting motions – and relies less on the rigidity of the dildo. For medium to large-sized dildos, we prefer squishier: around the Shore 00-30 to 00-50 range.
But our absolute favorite when it comes to dildos for pegging is all thanks to the brilliant minds of the dildo-making community: Dual density silicone dildos. These are silicone dildos with a harder central core and a softer outer skin. This makes this type of dildo very stable, but also more comfortable for the receiver as the firmness can sometimes be a barrier when people are starting out with pegging.
Over recent years, the popularity of dual density dildos has increased considerably and one of our personal favourites for pegging is a dual density one: the Vixen Creations Slim VixSkin 8.7 inch dildo.
Silicone toys and lube
Silicone toys are excellent, but one Pro-Tip: pair it with a water based lubricant. Depending on the quality of the silicone, some silicone toys are susceptible to degradation when they come in contact with silicone lube or other silicone toys.
Toys made of a high-grade silicone should not degrade if they’re put in contact with other silicone and therefore are suitable to use with silicone lube, but it can be difficult to tell and you don’t want to find out the hard way!
What are the warning signs? If your toys become soft and gel-like, it’s a sign they’re degrading and are made of low-quality silicone, and should be discarded immediately. (Think of the slime that came with those alien egg toys in the 90s).
Check out the article we’ve written about recycling your sex toys to learn how to dispose of your toys responsibly.
“Jelly” dildos
Jelly is a soft, squishy material that is often translucent with the appearance of gel (hence the name). While jelly dildos might seem like the best option for folks starting out in pegging because of how flexible they are, we’d recommend avoiding “jelly” toys.
Our primary reason for this recommendation is – you’ve guessed it – safety. While “jelly” seems like it might be a specific material, it’s actually a catch-all phrase to cover toys made of porous rubber, TPE, or other mysterious materials. Whilst some manufacturers are good at listing the breakdown of ingredients in the dildos, we’ve come across some that haven’t been as advertised.
The risk with that is there’s no guarantee that they’re hydrophobic (has the ability to repel water or fluids) or non-porous (water- and bacteria/microbe-resistant). Jelly dildos also often contain phthalates and other toxic chemicals that can leach into the body during use. Finally, most jellies lose integrity in high temperatures or in contact with cleaning solutions, making them impossible to properly clean or sterilize. Grim!!
Stainless steel, wood, and borosilicate glass
There are a couple of reasons why I wouldn’t recommend using rigid dildos such as metal, wood, or glass for pegging. They’re very rigid, which increases the possibility of injuring the receiver. Also having hard metal or glass smashed into the giver’s pubic bones is also not the most delightful of experiences.
Any session that ends up with at least one party having to hold an ice pack to their genitals is not the sign of a good night!
Additionally, whilst good quality steel and glass dildos are hard-wearing and very safe, cheaper glass toys are typically bad quality and not annealed, which means they can break easily. I know, I winced and clenched at exactly the same time. If you’re curious to read more about picking the right glass toys, check out this excellent glass sex toy safety article by Dangerously Lilly.
Of course, there are certain benefits to using a rigid toy for pegging, such as easier penetration and internal stimulation, easier cleaning, and the ability to use silicone lube which lasts longer than water based lubricants.
If you do choose a rigid toy, make sure the flared base is big enough and use a rubber O-ring to minimise the risk of damaging or cutting the toy. Also, stay away from quick or vigorous movement, and everyone should have a great time.
Flared Base
If you’re going to use a dildo in a harness to penetrate someone’s anus, your pegging dildo needs to have a flared base. Not only is a flared base necessary to install the dildo in a harness, but it helps you to avoid the possibility of losing the toy in your peggee’s ass. You don’t want to spend an awkward evening bearing down in the bathroom, encouraging it to come out, or having to go to A&E. Don’t risk it.
Strapless (or hands-free) strap-on
If the pegger has a vagina, one option is a wearable (or hands-free) strap-on that doesn't require a harness at all. These dildos have one phallic end (for penetrating the receiver), while the other end features a bulb meant to be held in place by the giver’s vagina.
While many people find these usable, some say that a hands-free strap-on requires more effort to use and sometimes can be uncomfortable depending on how hard you’re pegging your partner.
Ideally you also need to have quite a strong or active pelvic floor to wear one. Yet, it also does have the added benefit of bringing extra pleasure to the wearer (if you like vaginal penetration - not everyone does and that’s entirely valid!)
Some givers recommend wearing a hands-free in combination with a harness to keep the dildo in place. This lets them experience the physical pleasure and internal sensation of the toy, while still having the extra stability that the harness brings.
Double-ended dildos
In addition to strapless/hands-free designs, there are other harness-compatible dildos that also penetrate the harness-wearer. The term “double-ended dildo” refers to a broad category of toys; some of these are true double-ended dildos, with two phallic ends connected by a single shaft that can penetrate both parties simultaneously, while some of these are dildos that are worn or attached directly to the harness that penetrate the harness-wearer’s vagina or anus.
Dildo size and shape
Textures and challenging shapes
For beginners, we would recommend starting out small and avoiding textures as they can feel quite overwhelming. Textures can cause uncomfortable “pulling” sensations, which can be especially off-putting for first-timers.
We also recommend being aware of any other shapes (such as a pronounced head or tentacle suckers if you’re really daring) before insertion – both in how they may feel for the receiver, and also in how they may (or may not) capture body materials. Especially when you’re beginning, we’ve found that smoother is better for exploration and post-exploratory cleanup.
Girth
Whilst many of us dream of being size queens, no one takes the full throne on their first time around - it takes time, patience and practice. (Did that metaphor work? Who can say.) Everyone is different, but we’ve found that something with a girth of around 2 fingers (which is about 2 inches) can feel like enough of a gentle stretch that allows the peggee to adjust to the feeling of penetration without being at too big a risk for tears (and always remember to warm up and use lube).
Length
Longer dildos can make it much easier for the strap-on wearer to penetrate someone from further away, but it could be a risk to the receiver if you penetrate them too deeply, which can be very easy to do depending on the position you’re in.
For beginners, we recommend a dildo of less than 5 inches long, for example why not take a look at the Lovehoney slimline silicone suction cup dildo as it’s only 5 inches in length, with a circumference of 3 inches. And on top of that, the suction-cup base makes it harness-compatible!
Choosing the right lube
Types of lube
Spit is in no way an appropriate type of lubricant for pegging, as the asshole isn’t self-lubricating like a vulva is, so despite what porn might tell you, you need actual lube.
There are so many kinds of lube on the market, and comparing all the brands and types with their compatibility with the many different kinds of dildos can be a project in and of itself. Hold off on the ball-gag for just a moment, and talk through with your partner about some of the lesser-considered Lube Logistics!
For example: What kinds of flavors do you prefer (or disprefer)? What is your environment like, and how might it interact with different kinds of lube? What kind of container do you prefer your lube to come in?
A squeezy tube might be great as you’re warming up but ending up covering your communal nethers because of a lube explosion (think bottle of ketchup exploding) could add to the challenge of the Peg. All of these are things to think about.
To make things simple, we recommend water-based lube as it tends to be hypoallergenic, is compatible with virtually all toys (and condoms) and it won’t damage them. It’s also easier to clean up and kinder to the environment. You will need to apply water-based lube more frequently than you would silicone-based lube as it dries up more quickly, but at least it won’t damage your toys.
Silicone lube and silicone toys
Many sources online warn against using silicone lube with silicone toys because the lube can interact with and degrade the toys. While there have been instances of this documented, the actual truth of the matter is a bit more nuanced.
In fact, multiple studies (yes, dildo/lube studies. For science!) have shown that silicone lube only degrades silicone when the dildo is fully submerged over a lengthy period of time – OR if the dildo is not actually silicone.
This indicates that if your dildo is impacted or degraded by a normal amount of silicone-based lube, it might not be 100% silicone (or silicone at all). This is why checking the information from your local or online purveyors of fine dildo and other silicone toys is so important - no nasty surprises! (Again, remember the horrifying Alien slime toys mentioned above!)
Water-based or silicone lube: Our verdict
Slave D and I personally prefer using silicone lube in our pegging play - our current favourite is actually a fisting cream (which is silicone based) because of the viscosity of it. We also know it won’t damage our toys due to the high quality of the silicone that they're made from.
That being said, if you’re not sure about how lube will interact with your toys (or if you have skin sensitivities), our solid standard is to recommend water-based lube just to be safe.
Numbing agents
Although it can seem like using a numbing agent is a good idea because it can help relieve tension and smooth over any feelings of discomfort during sex, I’d personally advise against it, especially when you’re into your first forays of pegging. The primary reason for this is that pain can be a useful indicator that something is wrong, and using a numbing agent can conceal or mask that important warning system.
For example, let’s consider that the person doing the pegging is going too fast or being too rough. If you’ve used a numbing spray or lube, then the peggee/receiver might not be aware of any tears or if there isn’t enough lube left. Also, if the receiver isn’t aware, and because the giver is using a toy, they might not be able to detect the same physical feedback. So it’s a risky decision.
I haven't included any links to products here because we haven't tried any ourselves. If that changes I'll add a link to a product if we have a good experience and would recommend it.
Maintaining your pegging kit
Taking care of your kink kit is vitally important, as it can easily turn into a breeding ground for bacteria if you don’t clean it thoroughly before and after use. Grim! Also it can shorten the life of your harness, which would be a true tragedy. Don’t let germs interrupt your pegging routines.
Harnesses
Whilst we always recommend following the manufacturer's instructions on how to look after the harnesses, here’s a quick and handy cleaning overview, depending on the material that your strap-on harness is made from:
Leather or vegan leather - Wipe it down with a damp cloth and mild soap, then pat with a towel to try. After cleaning and drying real leather, using a leather wax or oil can also help protect it from bacteria and keep it supple, buttery, and shiny. Don’t use a leather wax or oil on vegan leather as it will break the material down.
Nylon - It can be machine washed in cold water with mild soap and laid flat to try or tumble dried on a low temperature.
Neoprene - This can also be machine washed in cold water with mild soap. After washing, hang it up to air dry.
Spandex - Can usually be machine washed with all of your other clothes. Honestly, dreamily convenient after a sweaty session of the horizontal tango.
Dildos
Take care of your dildos and they’ll take care of you. They’re sort of like pets; each kind of dildo will have different safety, cleaning, maintenance, and care procedures. As always, pay attention to the manufacturer’s cleaning instructions for proper cleaning procedures.
In general, dildos should be sterilized (even if you used a condom) after use – or even between uses if you’re sharing between partners or if the dildo has been in someone’s butt.
Clean your dildos with soap and hot water, then sterilize per the manufacturer’s instructions (sterilization techniques can vary depending on the material of the dildo). (Pro-tip: If the dildo arrives in packaging with the cleaning instructions on it, take a picture of those before you throw it away or recycle it!)
Mistress K’s Pegging Kit
We know that this has been a comprehensive guide on compiling your pegging kit - there’s a lot to think about before you dive in! If you’re more of a visual learner, our good friend Soushiyo has done it again and created this infographic of what we recommend in your pegging kit, plus some of my personal recommendations as mentioned during this piece.
Got your kit together? Let's get prepared!
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Mistress K
Mistress K (she/her) is a queer kinky woman and in a long-term chastity-led relationship with Slave D, the other half of the dynamic duo who run House of Denial.
Thoughtfully dedicated to consent-led BDSM practices and interactions, Mistress K supports our community via our customer service channels (does that make her a service top domme?) by engaging with anyone interested, enthusiastic or curious about chastity.
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