You’re interested in exploring pegging, but you’ve heard some concerning things. “I heard your best friend’s cousin’s ex-boyfriend from up North shat himself after he was pegged,” you know the sort of comments I mean. Whilst it wouldn’t be right for us to say that people may definitely have had some mishaps, a lot of the time things are exaggerated or just aren’t true.
Plus we know what it’s like doing research on the internet. What’s true, what sources can you trust, was this blog written by a robot, does it give you the answers that you’re looking for? It can be a bit of a minefield.
We’re not going to call ourselves the Mythbusters (for many reasons, including that neither of us can compete with Jamie’s exceptional mustache) but before we get into any further detail about compiling your kit or sex positions, let’s explore and talk through some of the common myths floating around about pegging.
Common pegging myths
1. It’s very painful
Pegging, just like any other form of sex, should not be unexpectedly or non-consensually painful. It’s absolutely true that you might feel uncomfortable or some mild discomfort, but unexpected pain is a good indicator that something’s wrong. Listen to your body!
If you’re experiencing pain during pegging, stop immediately and figure out what is causing the pain. Maybe you haven’t done enough foreplay, maybe you’re tense and therefore are clenched too tightly, you’re going too fast and rough, you haven’t used enough lube, or the chosen dildo is simply too big or too firm.
Talk with your partner. In some cases, a brief pause and some minor adjustments and no more pain, you can get back to it, while in other cases - like if there’s a blood or a tear at the anus, it’s better to stop, reevaluate and try again another time. So it goes!
2. If a man likes to get pegged, he’s gay
This one boils my blood! Let’s be rational before I get into why this particular myth gets to me. Even in our modern lives, there are still a significant number of people who view pegging as a homosexual act because they assume that anal sex is the number one sex act that only gay men engage in.
But the reality of ‘gay sex’ looks quite different. A 2011 study, published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, shows that out of 25,000 men who engage in sex with other men, less than 40% reported engaging in anal sex with their last partner. Even the emergence of the term “sides” which has been added to Grindr shows how these are quite outdated ideas.
It also has an underlying notion of homophobia and misogyny to me - that somehow if a man wants to experience pleasure through anal sex, that he’s somehow “not a Man’s Man” anymore or that he becomes lesser. Truly ridiculous nonsense and actually quite a harmful idea to people’s mental wellbeing or sense of self.
I mentioned about the messaging I’ve grown up with as a woman - and it comes into play here as well. By being a penetrated partner, I’m seen as a sex object and therefore if a man is the penetrated partner, then he is a sex object and loses some of his sexual dominance or "hierarchy" in society, or he becomes somehow lesser. Fuck that.
Knowing what gives you pleasure and what you enjoy sexually is a radical act of self knowledge and being fulfilled in your intimate life. See, I take it so seriously, I didn’t even make a fulfilled/filled joke there.
But let me make one final point, which is that every person, regardless of their gender or orientation, can potentially enjoy anal play due to the sensitive nerve endings in and around their anus. This has nothing to do with sexual orientation. All you need is a butthole.
3. The giver is always a woman
Ah, yes, this old chestnut. As we mentioned right at the start of this guide, this is just an assumption! It’s definitely fair to say that it’s more common for a cis woman to be the one wearing a strap-on, but a person of any gender can be a giver. Yes, even penis owners! What times we live in. (We can highly recommend one partner being caged and also wearing a strap-on to penetrate their partner. House of Denial approved.)
4. Pegging is only sexually pleasurable for the receiver
Yep, another common misconception! “If you’re using a dildo instead of your own anatomy, how can you even feel anything?” So short-sighted as there’s so many ways you can get pleasure beyond the immediate physical senses!
If the giver has female genitalia, their clit or G-spot can get stimulated during pegging, depending on the strap-on they’re wearing (and we’ll talk a little bit more about that in our dildo section).
While a penis owner wouldn’t necessarily experience physical sexual pleasure from pegging someone, people of any gender can experience sexual mental arousal from being the giver or watching their partner.
5. Any dildo can be used for pegging
Oh noooooo, definitely not. I’m having flashbacks to the many Badge502 Tiktoks. Not all dildos are created equal for pegging. The material, shape and size of the toy matter. A lot. So much so that we wrote a whole section about it in this very guide.
6. The receiver might shit themselves
Yes, yes, we’ve said it. The biggest fear of anyone who’s ever even considered engaging in anal sex. Let’s be real - shit comes out your butt and pegging involves inserting things up there. If that makes you feel awkward or squeamish, then pegging and other anal activities might not be for you. If you’re really concerned about seeing any poop, then keep a towel on the bed with you during pegging so you can clean-up nice and quickly if any accidents do happen.
However, pooping during pegging isn’t hugely common. If you do the proper preparation before play, including going to the bathroom to ‘flush out the pipes’ if you can, you will be fine. For more prep information, click right through to our ‘how to prepare for pegging’ section!
7. The giver is always dominant, and the receiver is always submissive
Very similar to our “if you are pegged, you must be secretly gay” myth above - your positions during the act of pegging say nothing about how you identify in any way, including in the bedroom. For example, a submissive can take up a role of the top during pegging as an act of service to their dominant partner.
What’s the difference between a top and a bottom, and a dominant and submissive? To put it simply, Dominant/submissive is about power play, while top/bottom is about action. Although the power dynamic and the position often overlap, they’re not the same thing.
And also is it hugely hot to order someone about in the bedroom on how to give you the most pleasure? Absolutely.
8. Practising pegging or anal sex in general will lead to incontinence
Whilst burning the midnight oil, scouring the texts of the internet and combing through many a journal or research blog, I’ve noticed that there is very little scientific research on this idea of incontinence being caused by anal sex.
In fact, the only study I could find is one that is popularly quoted but also widely criticized because it doesn’t differentiate between people who frequently engage in anal sex and those who have tried it once or twice. It also didn’t take into account other causes for incontinence, so if you’re worried, please do some additional research on this and pay attention to your body after pegging sessions.
Common pegging mistakes to avoid
If we’ve said it once, we’ve said it 1,000 times, safety first! It isn’t uncommon for some people to rush into pegging and make some avoidable mistakes along the way. We get it, honestly. After all, what even is there to pegging? It’s just about taking (or putting) a dildo in an ass, right? It can’t be that different from penis in vagina sex, right??
Spoiler alert! It is.
Although pegging isn’t rocket science, it requires proper knowledge to make it work and be pleasurable. If you’ve not done sufficient research on pegging before engaging in it as a giver or receiver, you risk the possibility of an unpleasant experience, if not straight up hurting yourself and/or your partner.
Let’s take a look at the some common pegging mistakes that people make so you can avoid them.
1. Picking the wrong dildo
Dildo choice can make or break your pegging experience. See our complete dildo section for more of our suggestions and recommendations on choosing the right one.
2. Picking the wrong harness
The harness you wear needs to be comfortable and snug to ensure a smooth pegging experience. See our complete harness section for different types of harnesses, the benefits of each type and some recommendations from us.
3. Going too fast
When you finally do get to the penetration part, go slow. Maybe even slower than you think you need to. Get feedback from your partner/peggee.
Have you ever been accidentally poked in your butthole with a dick or a toy before you were ready to engage in anal play? Speaking from experience, that hurts. A LOT.
And for the peggee, it takes some time to get used to the sensation of having something in your ass. Practice and patience makes perfect and remember:
Don’t.
Skip.
Foreplay.
4. Not using enough lube/using the wrong lube/using spit as a lube
Did you clench just reading that heading? Me too. Lube is the secret ingredient to great pegging experiences. There’s a lot to think about when it comes to lube including the right types of lube to use which are covered in our lube section.
5. Not preparing enough or at all
You are putting a phallic shape in a butt. A tiny bit of poop sometimes does happen during anal sex and you just need to be chill with that but there are also steps you can take to minimise that chance. For recommendations on how to prep well (for both the pegger and peggee), check out our pegging preparation section.
Ready for the next section? Read on!
Up next: Having the Conversation
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Mistress K
Mistress K (she/her) is a queer kinky woman and in a long-term chastity-led relationship with Slave D, the other half of the dynamic duo who run House of Denial.
Thoughtfully dedicated to consent-led BDSM practices and interactions, Mistress K supports our community via our customer service channels (does that make her a service top domme?) by engaging with anyone interested, enthusiastic or curious about chastity.
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