Chastity Play: Fantasy vs Reality

Social media is a hot bed of amazing chastity content showcasing some wonderful cage wearers and Keyholders. Seeing some of these people might well have encouraged you to take your first steps towards chastity play. That’s great! Mistress K and I started exploring chastity after seeing it in femdom porn and we’ve not looked back.

But while some creators offer an appealing portrait of what it looks like to be locked in a chastity cage or to have someone hold your key, fantasy doesn’t always match up with reality.

At House of Denial, we want to make sure that our customers and readers have the information to practise this glorious kink safely, and that everyone involved consensually enjoys it. Because of the nature of chastity as a kink, sometimes it can be difficult to draw that line. After all, tease and denial play can be very frustrating, but that’s kind of the point! So, in this post I’m going to present a number of different scenarios that I’ve seen posted on social media and I’ll discuss the fantasy aspect of each then talk out what I believe is the reality of them.

Before we begin, I want to make a couple things clear. I’m not here to bash content creators. There are many incredible ones. I’m also not here to shame anyone or point fingers at individuals. Some creators are exactly that; they create content that will gain attention and clicks. They might not have any real world experience with the types of play that they’re promoting, so my intention is to help educate anyone making or consuming that type of content about the potential risks involved.

If you do understand the difference between safe and consensual play, and still want to enjoy more fantasy-based content, then go for it. I’m not the fun police. If that’s what you like, fill your boots. The below is meant to be informational and to start the conversation, based on my own experience and that of the people I’ve spoken to involved in cage wearing and keyholding.

Snapping the key off in a cage lock

Fantasy: After locking the wearer in a cage, the keyholder breaks the key off in the lock, rendering the wearer permanently trapped in a chastity cage, often (though not always) against their will.

Reality: The reality is that chastity play is meant to be consensual and temporary. You really should have a method to release yourself at any time in the event of an emergency.

In order to get out of a chastity cage after breaking the key off, depending on the material that the cage kit is made from, you’re either looking at snapping the parts so that you can release yourself or, if the kit is metal, it might well be time to break out the bolt cutters or a power drill. Introducing these kinds of tools so close to your genitals is very dangerous. If you’re panicked and make a mistake while doing this you could cause yourself further injury, so put your ego aside and seek the help of professionals at an accident and emergency department.

Throwing the lock keys away

Fantasy: The cage wearer or keyholder throws away all of the lock keys.

Reality: The same issues apply with the previous scenario: in actual practice, permanent chastity is unrealistic and introduces significant risk. Throwing away all of your lock keys will require you to find new keys that fit your lock (no guarantee of that) or breaking the lock so that you can release the cage.

We always recommend that anyone who wears a chastity cage should have access to a spare key at all times. Having access to a spare key will allow you to remove the device in the case you feel some discomfort or rubbing that could lead to a more serious injury.

Supergluing the lock shut

Fantasy: The cage wearer or keyholder puts super glue into the lock to seal it shut.

Reality: For some reason this is the one that pisses me off the most. It’s stupid and irresponsible. Doing this will obviously prevent you from being able to insert your key to turn the lock and remove it. The fantasy is accessible and alluring, but the reality is this …

Please, just don’t do it.

If, for some reason this has happened to you, immediately contact emergency services so that it can be dealt with professionally. Yes, it might be embarrassing to visit A&E (accident and emergency) but it beats the alternative, which is that you do a bad job removing the lock and causing yourself more harm.

Cumming while locked in a cage

Fantasy: The person wearing the locked cage makes themselves cum using stimulation with a vibrator, dildo for anal play through pegging or insertion, or other stimulus that could make them orgasm. Alternatively a keyholder or other person could do this to the device wearer.

Reality: OK, for this one, I’m pleased to say that this is entirely possible and something that we’ve done ourselves many times. It’s fucking amazing!

Here are a few words of warning though.

If you orgasm while wearing a cage there’s a chance that some of your semen ends up inside the cage. If that cage is a closed design, it should be completely removed so that you can clean yourself and the device. More open designs could be cleaned in a shower but I’d still recommend removing it completely for a more thorough cleaning.

You also might not have considered that using a vibrator or a doxy wand (wow, they’re fun! Other brands are available!) and holding it against a cage could damage either the toy or your cage. We didn’t before it happened to us. Mistress K has held a doxy to my cage before and it’s worked wonders, but it also put a dent in the head of the massager. Whoops!

A bullet vibe is small, cheap and can be easily replaced if it gets damaged. They also pack enough punch to provide sufficient stimulation to elicit an orgasm. Please don’t use your prized and most expensive possessions if you have no experience in using them for this purpose. It’s likely to end in tears, and not the good kind.

Ballbusting while caged

Fantasy: A dominant inflicts ballbusting (kicking, punching, kneeing, etc) to someone's genitals while they’re locked in a chastity cage.

Reality: This type of play can be really fun (well, depending on your point of view or the position you’re in at the time) if it’s done properly. It can also be used as a powerful psychological tool in a dominant’s arsenal. Let’s be honest, it really hurts, so incorporating it into your play is great for sadists and masochists alike.

But the reality is that sadomasochism is a negotiated fantasy that requires a lot of skill and planning. What we don’t want to do is put anyone in a position where they will give or reach unnegotiated or unintended harm.

For example, kicking someone in the balls with a bare foot when they’re wearing a cage can do a few things. The kicker could catch their foot on the cage and injure themselves. Equally the cage could move unnaturally due to the kick, which could harm the receiver in an unintended way.

If you are going to ball bust with someone whose cock is locked, please do so very carefully. Maintain control and make sure that you’re stable on your feet so that you don’t slip or fall mid-kick as it might end up injuring both of you. Practice delivering (and receiving) pain out-of-scene to test out your skills, accuracy, endurance, and boundaries.

Additionally, any kind of pain or punishment should be negotiated and planned prior to the scene beginning. Never hurt someone without their consent, or change the terms of the play during the middle of a scene.

Being locked long term in a flat or inverted chastity cage

Fantasy: The person wearing the device is easily and pleasurably locked in a flat cage, sometimes for very long periods of time.

Reality: Flat chastity cages have exploded in popularity over the last few years as the race to shrink down to the smallest device possible took hold. However, we have and always will recommend that you wear a cage that’s sized correctly based on your flaccid measurements. This will allow you to wear your kit comfortably, be it for short or long periods of time.

Despite what some people might think, chastity devices shouldn’t be uncomfortable to wear. OK, if the wearer is teased and denied over and over again (been there!) you will feel some discomfort, but that’s consensual and intentional.

I have very little experience with flat cages because, well, I just don’t fit into one. I’ve worn a few for an hour maximum for a play session, but nothing beyond that. I couldn’t pee easily while wearing it and it was very uncomfortable as I tried to get an erection when Mistress K started to tease and deny me. I spoke to a few people I know who have tried flat cages before and they found the same.

I’m in no doubt that you’ll find people who have successfully worn a flat or inverted cage for longer periods but I don’t see that as the norm. If it works for you that’s great but I view these products as short term play kits. The idea of being that confined and having my Mistress hold a vibrator against the flat outer surface is quite exciting. Sadly I don’t see it being realistic and I’ve had great experiences wearing chastity cages that fit me properly.

Shrinking to wear a tiny cage that's far too small for you

Fantasy: Your told to lock yourself in increasingly smaller cages with the aim of shrinking your cock.

Reality: There's no evidence that using a chastity cage causes shrinkage, but does that mean that you should use a cage that's too small for you? Absolutely not.

The advice we offer in the previous section already states that we recommend using a cage that fits you well rather than pushing yourself to go for a device that's too small, even if it's for a short term play session.

When you get aroused (and that will happen after some teasing) you don't want to be locked in a kit that's going to cut off blood flow or make you bulge to the point it will cause an injury.

Please, just don't do it.

Permanently locking yourself or someone else

Fantasy: The wearer or keyholder declares that once the cage is locked, it will never be removed.

Reality: The concept of being permanently locked isn’t new. I regularly see dominants online talking about locking their slaves in chastity and never letting them out. It’s a hot thought but it really isn’t practical.

We recommend that you regularly remove your cage to thoroughly clean yourself and the cage, check yourself for any places where it could be rubbing your skin or cutting off blood flow (a big no-no) and make sure that the lock is functioning correctly so that it can be quickly removed if you find yourself in an emergency situation… or if your keyholder wants to release you and allow you the opportunity to cum! Seriously, how pissed off would you be if that time comes and they’re not able to get it off you?

Now this isn’t to say that it’s impossible to be locked so long that it feels permanent. It is. We know people who have successfully remained locked for years with no sign of imminent release. This is a significant commitment that shouldn’t be entered into without a lot of consideration (and negotiation) on both sides (if you have a keyholder).

So before you entertain the thought of doing long-term chastity, have you thought about the psychological aspect of doing this? I’m a very demanding submissive who craves constant attention. Is your keyholder able to offer that if you’re similar to me? Could you handle the rejection if they can’t? This is just one example, and there are countless others.

What about the physical requirements? Could you do your job to the best of your ability if you’re locked all day every day? Do you regularly travel through airports and want to explain to security every time the scanners flag something? Will your choice of cage allow you to exercise, play sports or go on long walks in the country (if any of these things float your boat) unimpeded?

Final thoughts from Slave D

I said this earlier and I’m going to double down on this statement: the purpose of this article isn’t to rain on your parade or kill your fantasies. I just want to highlight a few of the things you’ll commonly see on social media, give it a little context and offer some constructive advice. If it helps to save at least one person from an unnecessary trip to the hospital I’ll consider that a win.

Chastity play can be a lot of fun when it’s done with someone who knows how to consensually play with your emotions and establish a power exchange that provides experiences that you can both cherish for years to come.

Enjoy the fantasy but, if you plan to engage in any of the activities or types of play I’ve talked about, please be aware of the reality of each of them too.